listen man. i took an edible. if i don’t write my devlogs like i’m talking to a friend at a sleepover at 2am, the shit isn’t gonna get done. you aren’t getting professionalism from me tonight. you didn’t come here for that, anyway. you either came here because you love me, or you came here for the blonde.

i really thought i was gonna spend 4 years on this project and then have nothing but a visual novel at the end, and i was happy with that while i was working on it. it wasn’t until i finished it that i realized i actually spent 4 years building friendships and learning about myself and facing fears and taking risks and learning where my place was in this world. now that i have this wonderful thing to have and hold, it really does feel like my child. last year, i got married to some guy i’ve been with for 13 years. we didn’t have a wedding. i needed health insurance, and i hate weddings more than literally fucking anything in this entire world. but all anyone ever fucking yaps about in my family is how proud they are that i found someone so perfect for me. i don’t get congratulated on finishing projects or things that really require work. i get praised for an 11 year old boy walking up my fucking driveway in like 2009 and saying, “hi, i’m nolan.” like that’s an achievement! my husband is not an achievement. loving him is the easiest thing in the world. bursts into tears. loving my husband is the easiest thing i’ve ever had to do in my life.

after finishing this huge project, though, i realized that people who don’t have passions chase this feeling in other ways, and that often involves… marriage, having kids, trying to feel complete by Finding their Place in conventional society. people will raise children and see them as their projects. that’s so crazy to me. i’m gonna make lots of other visual novels after parfum nostalgique, but this was the one i had all my firsts with, so it will always be special. always be my baby. but holy fuck…. holy fuck… some people do that with kids?????? that’s crazy. is that ethical???

i’m gonna do another devlog that’s more Creatorly. or maybe i won’t maybe my devlogs will keep sounding like this. i don’t think that would be so bad.