listen. i know my target audience, alright. or at least the audience i ended up with.

you’re all like. 20+, mostly 25+, and you all have back pain, horrible cramps, chronic illnesses, anxiety, panic attacks… you’re all queer, and if you’re not, you’re probably my aunt or something who likes to cheer me on (shout out to my aunt ruthie). and you can all appreciate the cheesy sexy vampire shit that i’m serving up.

and there are two kinds of val fans: the people who unironically want him to be their dom or therapist, and the people who have read and agreed to the divorcee grandpa terms and conditions. meaning, you understand the sexiness appeal, but you can’t look at him without seeing jolly old saint nick.

he’s a friend. he’s a funny guy. he’s your grandma, he’s your grandpa. he’s a bitch, he’s a lover, he’s a wife, he’s a mother, he’s a sinner, he’s a saint,

and he’s on this heating pack you can purchase in my shop.

isn’t that cute? that custom printed fabric really has my heart. it’s handmade by me, filled with rice and lavender flowers that smell soooo good when you heat it in the microwave. and it’s such a satisfying weight! i really wanted to make something that felt like a hug. something a bit more personal than a t-shirt or a sticker. val’s the type of guy who wants to be there for you in your time of need. when you’re cramping like hell, being brave about a tummy ache, or suffering from the consequences of your cheap office chair, he will be there to ease your pain. i also found that it’s decent with pressure therapy if you lay it on your chest during a bout of anxiety or a panic attack.

unironically, this is one of the most useful things i’ve made. i’m always excited to use mine because i’m so proud that i made it. i was in the er because of a particularly bad vertigo episode this week, and i swear, i’ve been walking around with this thing like a dog with a squeaky toy. we call it my “emotional support ballsack,” because if you flip it upside-down, the filling sinks to the peaks of the heart and looks like a ballsack. while i had an ice pack on my head, i had this thing all warm on my chest. very soothing and comfortable. i highly reccommend this item. you should give me money for it.

and you can do that… here!